I got my first job at 16. I had the extreme luxury of staying at home with my kids when they were little. So now, after a few sweet years off for babies, I have a whopping 20 years of employment history under my belt. I’ve had many different types of jobs and have owned several different businesses over my working years. Every single job I have had has had one common denominator — the almighty customer. I’ve had some jobs where I saw people at their best (I was a banquet server — think weddings and big fancy parties). I’ve had some jobs where I saw people at their worst (I worked in ER registration — mine was the first face you’d see upon arrival). In all life situations, humans gonna human. Here are the four different types of customers I’ve encountered over the years (in order of least favorite to favorite.) Enjoy!

customerDrama Queen Daphne

She will have a name like Daphne. It doesn’t matter if it is her wedding day or her uncle’s funeral. EVERYTHING is about her. This is a person for whom every. single. thing. is a catastrophic huge deal. She thinks nothing of calling you on endless repeat on your 15th wedding anniversary just to rage scream at you for things that are beyond your control. Daphne drives a Benz and has bills up to the ceiling. She’ll tell you about the tragedy she lived through as a child, having to spend her summers with her cousins who, “like, went to public school and lived like homeless people.” Because those two things are completely the same, obvi. I didn’t make that up, y’all. Daphne has spoken those words to me in utmost sincerity. Don’t be a Daphne.

customerNitpicking Nathan

It’s Nathan, not Nate — don’t get it twisted. Even if nothing is actually wrong, Nathan will let you know that things are not as he wishes them to be. For this customer it’s not so much that the world revolves around him, it’s just that he’s super particular. Nathan has routines for his routines. Everything must be done in a certain way. Nathan puts pins in things and has “hot button issues” about lawn care. Nathan started college pre-med only to became a PA and his parents have never let him live it down. Nathan divorced his first two wives because they just weren’t good enough for him. He drives a Prius or a Subaru. Nathan is a bad tipper. Never act like Nathan.

customerNormal Norm

You won’t hear from him very often. He pays you on time. He won’t make a big fuss unless he has a valid complaint. When something is wrong he’ll let you know in a calm “no worries” manner, you will be given the opportunity to correct the problem, and life will go on. Norm fixes up old cars in his spare time. He likes to vacation at the same place every year. His parents have been married for 50+ years and his wife has a name like “Brenda.” Norm drives a Honda Odyssey. He lives by the principles of Dave Ramsey and the resulting calm his financial security provides him allows for internal peace. That internal peace is then reflected out into the world. Norm is a good guy.

Laid Back Lucy

You’ll never hear from this sweet, wonderful customer. She has you on auto-pay and you might even forget that you have her as a customer because she never makes a peep! You often wonder how another human can have so much chill? If you ask her how her day is going she’ll say, “Great, but it’s getting better!” I also did not make that one up, y’all. There are people like this who actually exist in this world. Lucy likes to take long walks on the beach and does crossword puzzles for enjoyment. She wears smart footwear and loves dogs. Lucy sees the good in all humanity and this is reflected in how she treats people. Lucy is cool. Live like Lucy.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these customers? Though I hate to admit it, I’m somewhere between a Nathan and a Norm. I have dreams of being a Lucy but I also have two separate spreadsheets for what to pack when traveling. One for RV trips and another for all other trips, obvi. I have it written in bold on the front of my planner that I offer a cash reward for its return should it ever go missing. My OCD has its own OCD. So Lucy is not looking like a possibility for me anytime soon but hopefully, it is for you!

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Kristy Riley
Kristy was born in Key West and spent her childhood moving all over the east coast courtesy of her Naval officer Mom, Maggi. Kristy lived in Jacksonville from high school until 2018 when she relocated to St. Augustine. A few years after graduating from college she met her husband Craig, affectionately known as many variations of Crugger. They married in 2005 and had daughter Madeline in 2006, son Baylor in 2009 and son Connor in 2012. A non-dog-lover, she is OBSESSED with the family Goldendoodle, Motley. She thinks glitter is the devil but loves everything DIY and has paint under her fingernails more often than not. Kristy and Craig enjoy an entrepreneurial spirit and run several small businesses, including her camper flipping side hustle, Sassy Campers. If she's not working you are sure to find her at a football/ baseball/ soccer field. She is excited to explore her new city!