Making friends when you are a mom is hard. You don’t have time to meet up with friends – let alone have a short conversation without interruption. Motherhood is not for the weak. It is a constant learning process and can be both very rewarding and challenging. Moms need friends. We need friends who offer support, give advice, lend a listening ear, remind us that we are not alone, and maybe most importantly allow us to be the woman we are outside of mommyhood. Here are some tips that I am learning about snagging a few of those rare species otherwise known as “Mom Friends.”
Don’t Try Too Hard
When you are the one that is trying to get together with other moms and end up repeatedly asking about making plans, you may be forcing something that isn’t going to happen. Some moms are perfectly content staying at home and never socializing with others. What I am trying to say is, don’t burn yourself out and get frustrated with trying to make friends. Some people are content with the friends they already have and aren’t interested in putting in the effort of making a new connection. When I gave up trying so hard, things fell into place, and now I’m happy with the relationships that are naturally forming with other moms.
Have a “YES” Attitude
In other words, stop being so quick to make excuses. It is incredibly easy to turn down an offer to get together with other moms. To say yes takes effort, planning, and is definitely the more challenging response BUT it is worth it! Having a “yes” attitude was my New Years’ resolution for this year, and I have to say that making this one change has positively affected my mood and my relationships. I used to instantaneously think of a million and eight reasons why I couldn’t do something when an offer arose. It took too much effort to try and work around my family’s crazy schedule and honestly it was easy for me to justify saying no, so I did. Now, I try to ask myself “How can I make this happen?” If you absolutely can’t do something, that is fine but transition your thinking to be more open to opportunities. It is worth the effort. YOU are worth the effort.
Get Comfortable with Planning
Go ahead and find your calendar on your phone right now or if you prefer the old school method, pull out your planner. You are going to need it! As a mother, you are never just thinking about yourself. So, to make time for friends you have to plan around your family’s schedule. Start placing all of your obligations, kids’ sports practices, doctors’ appointments, etc. in the calendar. Next time someone says “we should really get together sometime,” pull that baby out and do your best to makes plans right then and there.
Don’t Put Moms in Boxes
Everyone is unique and has their own style of parenting. Some women have children early in life, and some have them later in life. Some moms are passionate about breastfeeding and using all organic everything while others are not. If you want to snatch up a Mom Friend, then you should not exclude those that are different from you. Motherhood is a wild ride and anyone that is on the same ride as you can be by your side through the ups and downs. Keep the small stuff the small stuff.
Quit Claiming Disaster Over Yourself
No more saying you are a “hot mess” every time someone asks how you are. You can be relatable and honest without always giving a negative response. If someone’s first conversation with you is always about chaos, you may be pushing them away. There is too much stress everywhere as it is, so do your best not to add to it.
Have you had trouble making friends since being a mother? Do you have an experience you can share about the topic or some tips that helped you?